Congratulations, you survived the end of the world. That means you’re very capable, pretty clever, or extremely lucky. Regardless of how you survived, not dying is just the beginning, and life after the apocalypse is not going to be easy. Be prepared for the end of the world as we know it and the post-apocalypse with Wasteland Hacks.
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Caffeine in the Apocalypse
Welcome to the wasteland. It’s deadly, it’s filled with dangers and you are going to have to stay on your toes if you want to survive. And for that, you’re going to need to coffee. Unfortunately, most of the baristas have been blown up and the coffee shops are filled with mutant hipsters and social media influencers. This makes a fresh brewed cup hard to come by.
But you’re not going to let a little thing like the end of the world keep you from your morning coffee. Here are five ways to make coffee in the apocalypse.
Cowboy Up
If this method was good enough for frontier cowboys, it’s good enough for a post-apocalyptic nomad. Boil water in a pot, toss in your coffee grounds, and let it simmer. Once it’s done, let the grounds settle in the pot and then pour.
Put a Sock in It
Fill a (hopefully clean) sock with coffee grounds, drop it into boiling water like a giant, disgusting, sweaty tea bag. Let it steep. Remove the sock and enjoy the earthy flavor.
Note: This also works with a handkerchief and would be less gross. I probably should have started with that.
Gas Mask Filter
When you get right down to it, a filter is a filter. When push comes to shove, it doesn’t matter if it was designed for coffee or carcinogens. Pull apart your gas mask filter and use it as a strainer for your morning cup of joe.
The Aluminum Foil Packet
Aluminum foil is good for more than blocking out HAARP’s harmful waves. You can use it to stave off caffeine headaches. Wrap your coffee grounds in aluminum foil, poke small holes, and pour hot water through the package to get the caffeine you need to stay focus on survival.
Chew Your Beans
When all else fails, just chew a handful of roasted coffee beans like the wasteland warrior you are. Will it taste great? No. Will it get the job done? Maybe. But it beats instant coffee.
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Just because civilization is gone, doesn’t mean we have to live like animals. Enjoy your coffee and keep your socks dry.
Have a great apocalypse.
Ben
2 comments
Please keep in mind that elderly craft hoarders might also survive. We can stitch you up some cute little drawstring fabric bags that will be reuseable and easily folded and carried until you come across another coffee stash. They will come at a steep price, however.
You will need to trade copious amounts of good chocolate (more important than coffee for some folks) or really pretty variegated yarn which I can crochet into sturdy rope to tie you down with if you get too sassy)
Never underestimate old lady crafters!
Cowboy coffee works just as well and doesn’t require fancy doohickeys like a sock or tin foil. All you need is water. A coffee pot and a fire . Just put water in the pot bring it to hot add coffee grounds. Bring to boil watch it doesn’t froth up to much rolling boil for four minutes.worried about coffee grounds? Just pour a cup of cold water around the pot full of coffe and the grounds will sink to the bottom. No sock required. Taadaa cowboy coffee.