Congratulations, you survived the end of the world. That means you’re very capable, pretty clever, or extremely lucky. Regardless of how you survived, not dying is just the beginning, and life after the apocalypse is not going to be easy. Be prepared for the end of the world as we know it and the post-apocalypse with Wasteland Hacks.
In the apocalypse, scavenging is going to become the national pastime. The grocery stores, drug stores and gun shops are going to be picked over pretty quick. But there are plenty of other places they could be treasure troves for the savvy scrounger; like churches. Should you loot them or leave them?
Coffee
Coffee rations running dry? It’s time to head to church. Nearly every church building will have a corner devoted to silver urns and industrial coffee makers for brewing up commercial sized cans of the good stuff. We might just be talking Folgers or Maxwell House in the smaller churches, but some of the mega churches had dedicated coffee shops for the more discerning looter. Pro tip: Skip the Mormon churches. They only drink decaf. And that’s worse than no coffee at all.
Medical Supplies
Churches are filled with empathy and the elderly. That confluence of kind people and kind of old people means you’ll find some of the best first aid supplies around. From band-aids to defibrillators, you’ll be able to restock your medical cache. If the church served as a shelter, the pickings could even include stronger medicines including Narcan.
Candles
Candles are a handy way to see in the dark and churches were filled with them. Catholic and Orthodox churches are going to be filled with candles of all shapes and sizes. Protestant denominations will have some as well but they mostly burned witches.
Wine
Wine is great for bartering or partying. Forget about the Baptists here and head for the sacrament house in the local parish. Sacrament wine may be made for ceremonies but that doesn’t mean it ain’t wine. Some altar wines are as much as 18% alcohol. Pair with bread. You should probably say Grace first.
Tools
Keeping up a church takes tools. Look around and you’re sure to find a treasure trove of hands tools and DIY goodies. Don’t forget to check if there’s a garden shed. Yard tools make great weapons and there’s no better way to set up a hoe joke.
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From canned coffee to stale crackers, there will be plenty to find in a post-apocalyptic
church if you can look past the desecration and eternal damnation.
Have a great apocalypse.
Ben
4 comments
It’s amazing. I hear Phil Thron’s voice as I read this!
while you guys are looting churches, I’m heading to a Michaels or Hobby Lobby! plenty of fabric to make clothing or bandages, fake plants for camouflage, beads to trade with (hey, girls will survive too, and some of us like bracelets) elastic, pins, needles, yarn, soap. wood, and decorative items that guys will trade for to attract said surviving girls!
not to mention a myriad of scissors, rotary cutters, knitting needles, and other sharp instruments of mayhem and destruction!
so while you guys are out scavenging churches, I’m gonna round up all the old ladies I can, and head to craft stores and schools (ever been in a school kitchen? you should go look at what they keep in there for weapons and armor)
of course, if I fail to survive, you guys can head to those places after your coffee…..
That..is…a riot! Loved it. You forgot that most Catholic Churches still have pews, which makes them a pretty comfy place to crash.
Im making notes Ben🌹