Congratulations, you survived the end of the world. That means you’re very capable, pretty clever, or extremely lucky. Regardless of how you survived, not dying is just the beginning, and life after the apocalypse is not going to be easy. Be prepared for the end of the world as we know it and the post-apocalypse with Wasteland Hacks.
Where the Wild Things Were
When society collapses and the animals are no longer behind bars, you may find yourself wandering the broken pathways of a once-proud zoo. But is it worth your time to scavenge? Let’s take a look at whether this concrete jungle is a loot-worthy location or a tourist death trap.
Food
You might be able to find something to eat in a vending machine in the employee break room, but the real store will be the concession stands were talking pretzels with enough preservatives to last forever and the ice cream of the future. No one knows how it works, but we know it will be there in the future because otherwise it’s false marketing. And we all know marketers are completely honest. There could be some animal feed around as well. Remember that any food labeled "for carnivores" is probably going to be horse meat, so you’ll have to ask yourself if you’re willing to be the metaphor.
Medical Supplies
Zookeepers deal with everything from snake bites to elephant tuskings. The onsite vet clinic could be stocked with antiseptics, tranquilizers, and odd surgical tools perfect for when you’ve got to operate on yourself with a mirror and a prayer.
Weapons
You probably won’t find firearms, but tranquilizer darts, catch poles, and industrial-strength tasers might still be around. But if it can take down a charging hippo, a chubby cannibal wouldn’t be much of a challenge.
A New Place to Call Home
Normally we’re talking about looting and leaving, but consider how cool it would be to live at the zoo. It’s an ideal compound for beast themed gangs or wasteland tribe. There’s lots of greenspaces, plenty of cells for dissidents, and more than one enclosure suitable for hosting death matches. Maybe you make the lion’s den home. Provide the lions have left. Better have an underling check to make sure.
Souvenirs
It wouldn’t be a trip to the zoo without a stop at the gift shop. There isn’t a lot here of use unless you need a new t-shirt declaring you a member of the Zoo Crew. But if you’re looking for a little lighthearted fun you could grab a novelty cup and drink your wasteland gin from lion’s head for a change.
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Dangerous? Absolutely. But for medical supplies, shelter, and bragging rights, it’s worth a visit to the zoo. Loot it—but proceed with caution, and probably an elephant gun.
Have a great apocalypse,
Ben
